We’ve been combing the internet for a boat like your grade school nurse combed your hair for lice. In the process, we decided to check out some of the vessels registered for the full Race to Alaska and you won’t believe some of the things we found. This race is based on “lawless self-reliance” and these hooligans take it to heart.
Team North2Alaska, Self-Built Aluminum Fishing Sharpie
Kids these days and their hair-brained ideas. What did you do for your senior project in high school? How is that ashtray you made your mother working out? Did that theme paper you wrote change the world and inspire your English teacher, leaving both your lives forever changed? R2AK is the culmination of the senior project of some of the crew who built this boat on their own after teaching themselves to weld. The stakes for this team are as high as the steak knives are sharp. They must compete in order to graduate. Way to make it easy on yourselves. Couldn’t you have just copied that paper you wrote in junior high and turned it in late? Whatever dudes. You were way too young to know that Johnny Horton song, but we will totally raise a glass to you in the pub while you wait outside and play on your Twitterfacegram.
Team Kairos, 19’ Angus Rowcruiser
Speaking of copying someone else’s paper. You can buy the specs for this boat and build it in your garage. It’s a micro cruising trimaran with a sliding row station and a small coffin, I mean, cabin to sleep in. This team will try anything, including ice sailing at 70 knots. Sounds like a mix between R2AK and the Icerun. Give us a second while we look into this as our next adventure. … … …I think we will have a grand resume and suitable skill set to pull off ice sailing when the weather is ripe. Anyhow, a rowcruiser almost won first for solo trek, just 40 minutes behind the first solo race time, so maybe Team Kairos can take home that title this time around.
Team Discovery, 20’ Trimaran or SUP
Still in deep thought and consideration, or possibly still traumatized by his first R2AK, Roger “the” Mann hasn’t yet decided whether he will weather the weather with his trimaran or a SUP. We would make fun of the use of “the” as his middle name if we hadn’t already heard the legend which earns him the right to use it. Rumor has it, he was the first solo racer to ring the bell AFTER: losing to an 8 foot wave in Seymour Narrows and being swept off his boat, cutting away the legs of his dry suit to free himself from the surf he was drowning in, and capsizing…twice. Seems totally logical to be the first to sign up for the race again the next year and the year after that. But maybe a boat is just too easy and a SUP makes more sense for this beast of the wild waters. It appears Roger missed the race last year after his car broke down en route. If that happens again this year, give us a buzz. We are experienced pros at unreliable vehicles (see previous adventures), and we can’t wait to meet a real living legend.
Team Grace B, Crotch Island Pinky
We had to mention this one, because who names a boat like this, much less an island? Leaving the jokes to your imagination. That’s not the only reason, though. People say that crews are not in this race for the money, but for the experience, and this team is out to prove it. “You take your hydrofoiling and carbonfiber, and we’ll take the 1800s” seems to be their motto. Modern improvements be damned. This team is out on a boat which resembles the tall ships of old, but really short. It’s made of wood and history and inappropriate names. It seems like a perfectly appropriate vessel for lawless self-reliance.
Team Viz Reporter, 19’ Seaward Quest Kevlar Kayak
This racer must be as indestructible as his bullet-proof boat. Only one kayak has ever crossed the finish line of R2AK and that one was equipped with a downwind sail for cruising on wind power. Not this guy! He is going on paddles alone…for 750 miles, and making us feel inadequate. But sure, why not? It’s R2AK!