Kilauea Volcano – The Big Island, Hawaii
We imagine you have heard about the eruption of Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano, unless you have been living under a rock. Beware, that rock is coming to get you. Sometimes mother nature gives and other times she taketh away. The beautiful volcanic islands pushing up through the water are still volcanoes after all. The Volcano National Park can attest to this as they shut down and await potential projectiles from the belly of the earth. As the lava drains and the ground water seeps in, it is possible that the volcano will spit out chunks of earth by the ton. In the meantime, there is vog to be reckoned with. That is to say, Volcanic smog. All the dust in the air can lead to acid rain in the land where it rains regularly for a slight 15 minutes every day. The lava is eating up the suburbs and taking back its claim, but for now, all us humans have found our safety.
Pripyat – Russia
Mother Nature is an amazing creature, but sometimes we split her up into bits and create our own unnatural disaster, like the town of Pripyat. Pripyat lies in the ruins os the literal fallout of the disaster of 1986 when the nuclear power plant of Chernobyl exploded and caught fire. The residents were escorted out when the government finally admitted the fault in their ways 3 days later. Speaking of 3 days, that is the amount of time residents were told they would need to evacuate, when, in reality, the place would not be inhabitable for an estimated 1000ish years. There is some commendation due to the courageous pilots who risked their own health and safety to fly above and drop san on the fire, staving off a second explosion which could have rendered some, if not all, of Europe uninhabitable. The incident was one of many cracks leading to the downfall of the Soviet Union, when they were putting themselves and their reputation before their people. Since Pripyat is a large part of the exclusion zone, the removal of communist statues was skipped and it stands in it’s place in time, with rulers gazing down upon the remnants. In fact, it stands strong with a lack of insects to devour the forest which turned red and should have decomposed into the once fertile earth. Wildlife is attempting to take over in the form of even smaller-brained birds and wild hogs which may make it into the food chain. Tourists are now allowed to stare in train-wreck wonder at the abandoned school and the ferris wheel from the theme park slated to open one month after all hell broke loose. You must be screened for radiation on the way in and again on the way out, but you can get a good selfie.
Mount Athos – Agean Sea (and the heavens)
Speaking of mothers, there are none allowed on Mount Athos. To a larger extent, all women are required to stay at least 500 meters off-shore of this peninsula booting out into the Agean Sea. This 335 square meters of land is home to some 20 monasteries. Sure, the ladies can’t mix with the monks, but can they claim all the ground and the water surrounding it? Apparently they can and have been for over 1000 years. Living by their own laws, referred to as Avaton, the rules run to the extreme even forbidding female animals, no matter how useful they may be. Our pith helmets go off to Maryse Choisy who managed to infiltrate the ranks in the 1920s by gluing on a huge, completely conspicuous mustache and hiding out amongst the monks for a month to write her expose, Un Mois Chex Les Hommes. Her dedication is rumored to include a double-mastectomy and likely some pretty sneaky urination. If they won’t allow women, we can’t imagine why they would allow Freddy on land. Perhaps he can change their mind about their process, but not likely. They are living a step behind the rest of us. In fact, their calendar puts your first step on land 13 days earlier than the rest of the world. Just recently, they have made one concession. They are allowing female cats. Had Earth Kitt not left the earth on Christmas day of 2008, we would challenge her to don her black latex and kitty ears just to see what would happen, which may be 2 years in prison. I guess we’ll just have to send Freddy instead…in latex of course.