Wondering how you are going to get from point A to point D, then to the finish line? We have mapped out our Put Foot Rally 2019 route for you. Here is our detailed map including repair and maintenance shops for the ill-advised. Click the image to interact, zoom, and generally laugh at our folly and confidence. We are already planning on missing the first check point party in lieu of visiting a ship-wreck in the middle of the desert, which you have to take a 5 day tour to get to, but more about that in a later post. If you have not yet planned your route, let this be your unofficial guide. If this guide fills you with as much fear as it tickles our adventure bones, consider signing up for the Fun Bus and joining in with minimal planning.
The pavement on South African roads is smoother sailing than a hydrofoil catamaran in R2AK, but these might be the most dangerous streets in all the rally. We have more fear of these roads than cursing in front of our mum. The rampage of carjackings is real, and here is the report and heat map to make you lock your doors, and close your eyes, shake your lucky stick and put the foot to the metal at stop signals. I warn you, the look of the luger as the icon is less than comforting.
Once we make it to Namibia, our Put Foot Rally 2019 route conditions will improve, if we have enough gas. Gas stations to be added to the heat map in the near future, or somewhere along the timeline of our procrastination. Roads are excellent, and the danger turns to actual beasts. We can be arrested for getting out of the car in a National Park. We forbid the car we don’t yet have to fail us. *We should revisit the post regarding our steed, because it already rolled over before we even touched it. It knew we were coming. We are also looking into how to lion-proof our tyres. Yes, that’s a real thing.
Once we get to Botswana, our nerves and roads will begin to deteriorate, falling to unidentifiable levels between Maun and Nata. Considering providing the crew with inflatable donuts to save our tailbones when the road all but disappears and the adventure shows up in real time. Maybe we will just bring actual donuts with sprinkles of reward. We certainly won’t be packing raw meat. It is unlawful in restricted areas, which we believe are also near Maun and the Department of Wildlife where we will be stopping and eating only canned corned beef and confection. There is also a Auto Zone here should we have limped through the no exit zone.
Zambia should be a breeze. Surely we can cruise right through in a single stint with our plan to cross the land in a single day. We are living in an overblown sense of self-worth and accomplishment at this point. We imagine we are winning even though it is not a race. Set this car to turbo, whatever this car is. We will now add that to our search.
Malawi should have decent roads in general, though not great. We are going to press it while we can. We probably have no feelings in our lower extremities at this point. The law is onto us setting speed traps with the threat of jail, but hell. Could be worth checking out and having a nicer place to sleep for the night and perhaps a hot meal. Who among you has our bail?
Mozambique roads are all peaks and valleys. We intend to dip into potholes and fly off speed humps to victory, while attempting to scribble our letter of apology against the inconsolable console.
“Dear buy back company, We are sorry.”
This trusty steed shall be complete with decals, sweat, joy and scars to prove that we, in fact, made it to the final checkpoint. Unless everything goes awry.